Steve keeps telling me that he can’t believe I have the patience for knitting.  I tell him that it really has nothing to do with patience and more about the fact that I am just a determined person and quite frankly, stubborn as a bull.

The stubborness is why I obsess over code and site design into the late hours of the night, not being able to stop until things are just right.  Why I can clean the house the entire day and only see the stuff I didn’t get done.  It’s why I use lists, for everything.  Because there is so much deep inside of that I obsses about getting done and not getting done that I need to organize it on paper so I at least have some sense of priority.

But the knitting thing: it’s purely stubborness.  And I can feel that obbsesiveness burning inside, the need to get it done and do it right.  And it’s wearing my patience thin.

I’ve only been doing it for about a month and a half but I started on my first project, maybe last Thursday or so.  I chose a basketweave scarf (not that exact pattern, but something similair, with fringe and less of a border) because I read that it lays fairly flat and is a pretty easy pattern with a bit of a decorative element instead of a straight stockinette or garter stitch.

So, the pattern: fairly easy looking.  A simple cast-on, alternating knit and purl stich in the rows, nothing fancy like yarn overs or cables.  But oh my god, it is driving me insane!

I’m using 14″ needles, which is hard to get used to because I learned with 10″ needles and those extra 4″ really require a more precise hand, or at least, more precise than I apparently have.  And I’m left-handed, so everything was backwards and trying to translate the pictures was difficult in itself, let alone trying to do it backwards.  I tried the right-handed style (moving the work from the left needle to the right) but it just wasn’t comfortable.  Ah, the curse of being left-handed!

And then there’s the pattern.  It’s so easy it’s hard!  I don’t think I’ve learned enough to let my mind wander to anything but the work when I’m doing it because while it’s just knit one stich then purl another for 38 stitches, I keep messing it up!  I’ve got yarn overs happening where they shouldn’t be, which is funny because I don’t really know how to do a yarn over.  I’ve got slipped stitches.  I’ve got duplicates, where i knit twice then purl.  I’ve just basically got shit all over the place.  And, you know, it creates rows of knitting that I could probably pass off as something but my inner perfectionist SCREAMS at me that YOU ARE DOING IT ALL WRONG MUST START OVER UNTIL IT’S PERFECT, ABSOLUTELY PERFECT, GOD WHY DO YOU SUCK?!

Needles to say, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve pulled the work and started over.  The last time I did it, I told myself I’d leave it alone for a day or so and let it cool and then come back to it with some perspective.  That always works for me – give it a day then come back to it and I can usually get it done right.  (God, I almost said GIT ‘ER DONE only because we have the Larry the Cable Guy roast on but I didn’t.  Thank god!  Kind of can’t stand him, don’t really want his stupid catchphrase permeating my life!)  And guess what!  I literally had to FORCE myself to NOT touch the skein and the needles.  Because I do enjoy it.  It is a great hobby and it is soothing when I can’t get stuff right.  And I just felt that I needed to start it and do it until I got it right.

I resisted the temptation and the yarn sits still wrapped.  The needles are naked.  It needs time.  I need time.  Because the obsession is there but my patience is growing thin.  And I don’t want it to grow so thin that I don’t enjoy the hobby anymore.

Plus, Steve keeps messing with my needles when I’m trying to work.  He does it because deep down, his inner five year old can’t stand it when I’m not paying attention to him.  It’s cute on most days, but when I’m frustrated because I keep messing the work up, all I want to do is stab him.  With one of the needles.  And I really don’t feel like going to jail over the hobby either.

*****

Other than the above, Sunday was fairly uneventful.  There were no dogs throwing up, there is toilet paper in all the bathrooms and we actually have food.

My back was sore when I woke up, like a slept on it wrong (or sat on my ass all day in an uncomfortable couch) sore.  I tried to work out the kinks by moving around and picking the house up.  I got the kitchen fairly clean and most of the living room, which is usually just Sammy’s toys and the remnants from us hanging out and watching TV.  I then started on our bedroom and got as far as cleaning off my nightstand.  I was staring at the dirty clothes on the floor in the bedroom and the bathroom and decided that my back still hurt enough that I wanted to take a hot shower and see if that helped.  Well, it didn’t really help my back but it made me sleepy and I ended up taking a long nap, not waking up until around 7pm.  So the day was pretty much shot.

After that, didn’t do much.  Made some pigs in a blanket for “dinner” (a new food obsession I’ve picked up lately), worked with the knitting for a little while, read a little bit and caught up on some crap TV (I’ve got a TV post coming up because there are some things I need to talk about) and now am in bed trying to make sure I at least try to go to sleep at a decent time since a new work week starts tomorrow.  Am not sure how I’m going to be able to do that since I slept the afternoon away.

Here’s to trying, I guess.

And as an afterthought, here’s to a better week than last.  Maybe if I things can get back on track at work, then everything else will fall into place in my life.

Here’s to hoping, right?